"an angel's face is tricky to wear constantly"

Long Long Time Ago

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 12:59:28 GMT

I posted on here regularly. I kept up with my friends on here regularly. Then May came. The end of school. A 21st b-day. A learning and laughing filled trip to L.A. Then June happened. I went to chicago for 2 weeks. Was not ready to come back. Had the 4th of july with 2 of my soulmates and other dear friends in my life. Then Shakespeare camp started. I worked hard to turn over a new leaf at camp. The kids were awesome. The show was amazing. And now I'm sick. For a week I have been sick. I have seen many people over the last few days at the Shakespeare show that I love so much and I haven't had the energy or time to truly engage them. To honestly focus on them. I feel guilty.
I'm not ready for my summer to be over. I want to learn some more. I want to sleep some more. I want to feel like healthier self.
My life's focus switches back to school on Aug. 4th. And I stomp my foot and cross my arms like I'm five and say "I Don't Wanna!" So LJ- this is where I have been.

Dear ____________________

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:26:41 GMT

We are having problems with our Governor. Mr. Jindal believes I am disposable. We doesn't believe that I should teach my students to be anything they want to be. He is cutting 83% of funding for grants for artists, arts-in-education, and our cultural economy. How can I show my students that they can be working artist in this community if he doesn't want me here? I've written to my representatives. Will they really help? Or will my voice be lost?
By cutting the funding, it makes me feel like Mr. Jindal doesn't love where he lives. I don't think he has ever experienced the outlet my students receive from my class or a play that brings people together or a great brass band that heals after a storm or a dance that connects you to your ancestors or the beauty of a painting that echoes Louisiana. I wonder if he feels a sad calm when he hears an old couple speak in a dying language or if he gets excited to see young kids sing the truth in the music of their heritage or if he has seen the sunrise over the mouth of the Gulf on a trawl boat. If he ever has experienced these things, I wouldn't have to write about cuts!
This is Louisiana. We are a true melting pot of culture and arts. Times are hard. But times will get ugly if these cuts stay!
Wanna do something? This takes no time- http://www.lparts.org/.
Peace to all! ~Lian

Nicest Thing by Kate Nash

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 01:52:46 GMT

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

Its Official!

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:24:19 GMT

I am registered for a week long immersion course at Second City in Chicago for Improv and Script Writing. I have never been to Chicago and I am completely excited about the course, the vaca and traveling by myself!

I want

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:14:15 GMT

I want to express myself but I'm choosing to write on here because I don't have as many friends here like on myspace or facebook.
However, I can't actually express how I feel or put words to it. But I know that I don't feel happy. So I guess this is all I can say right now.

Found Poem while cleaning

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 05:50:57 GMT

I took this amazing workshop last year on performing and poetry. At the end we wrote our own "I Am" poems:

I am this murky Bayou
that is breathless at sunrise and sunset
I am this fais do-do Dance floor
that we stamp, stomp and sweat on
I am a Cher Amie
A dear friend
Whose blood does battle
because I hail from Nova Scotia and Texas and England and Africa
And I have come to realize that I am 1/3 Colorado, 1/8 Texas, 1/4 Hawaii
but my whole soul is Louisiana.

another thought

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 21:17:29 GMT

The Best Summer Ever
was when I hated living at home
And I developed an English Accent
Drove to Baton Rouge late nights, listening to Lauryn Hill, The Sounds, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and Corrosion of Conformity.

The Best Summer Ever
was when I felt the most abandoned
And I Smoked Pot everyday
Worked under a Blue Moon when I got a Tattoo, ate at Tammy's, and had a summer love cut short.

The Best Summer Ever
was when I didn't know where I was going
And I Dyed my Hair Blue
Became a host to international boys, bonded with a great friend and wished the fun would never end!

a thought

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:39:08 GMT

You once said : "I love making love to you"
to which I replied "Thanks"
because we never made love.
We just went through the motions.

It has been almost 2 years.
And I still see you- in those neutral places-
where I am here and you are there,
And we just speak through the motions.

Because I can't pretend those words were never said
or midnight kisses never happened
or your touch was never felt
or that my heart was never broken
So through the motions, I exist to you as if nothing ever happened.

Da Hurricane!

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 22:12:11 GMT

Hey all. We faired the weather well. Lots of limbs. No power for almost 24 hours. Just got it back. This is nothing compared to Lili! But we are very lucky! Dont know how my family's homes are.. won't know til they get back. My dad had to stay at the hospital in franklin where he works. That made me nervous because it was suppose to hit there hard. Then my family calls me and starts scaring me. Telling me they cant get a hold of my dad and they are having a hard time getting a hold of me. They I start crying. And cant stop. My dad called me 20 min later and told me he was fine. That if someone hadnt told him, he wouldnt even know that there was a storm.
Let me know how everyone else is. Glad this is done.

when asked make sure to say "I'm here to see Lian, DUH!"

Fri, 30 May 2008 14:43:46 GMT

Hey guys and gals!

Skit Happens (the sketch comedy group that I am in) is performing tonight...
thats right tonight... I know, What were we thinking booking a show the same night at the Sex and the City opening!
For the record, I had no say in the matter so don't look at me.

(haha)

However, if that is the reason you can't make the show tonight. Come tomorrow night at the same time same place.

Look below and I will give you more info: (and when asked say: "I'm here to see Lian, duh!")

WHAT: Skit Happens presents: "A Buncha Bullskit"

WHEN: Friday May 30
Saturday May 31

WHERE: Acadiana Center for the Arts
101 W.

Vermillion St (corner of Jefferson and Vermillion downtown
Lafayette... still don't know where it is, Map Quest it son)
Lafayette, La 70503

TIME: 8pm sharp.... doors open at 730pm.

I recommend getting there as close to 730 as you can get because of parking and traffic and finding the seat that is perfect for you

COST: $7 (that's right the same price as a movie, except you can touch us after)
kid friendly: Sorry not this show. You have to be 16 or older to see it.

I hope you can make it. I think it is one of our best shows yet. Come judge for yourself.

Love!

New Music

Thu, 01 May 2008 04:39:52 GMT

I love this chick! Kate Nash. Her CD is totally right out of a page in my life. This is just a couple of many of her songs that sums up my life right now. Enjoy.

My New - Old Obession

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 21:31:10 GMT

Confession- I am a big Bette Midler fan. I have been since I was 9 years old. In the last ten years, I haven't been as obessed as I was growing up. Alot of that is because I grew up- music, theater, movie choices expanded and changed.
However, she is the reason I was exposed to so much of the performing arts as a child. If it wasn't
for this show (that this clip is from), I would have not chosen the path I am on now. My reconnection with "1970's Bette Midler" I think has something to do my choice to do my own one woman show. I know I saw this clip before I made my choice to do the show- and when I saw it, I was in awe all over again. This time watching her artist to artist- the enegry she gives is what I want to give. The time of seeing this... there maybe something more to it.
I just don't know what yet! Enjoy watching!

It's been awhile...

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:45:09 GMT

It had been a while since I posted. I had a busy but fun break.
I love that insomniatrix called me during break to tell me about her great hot dream. I also loved that she changed her icon pic just for me.

I love that i got to hang out with ladyoracle before I left for monroe. I went shopping twice this week. Cleaned out my car. Celebrated the twins 2nd bday. I can't believe it has been 2 years already.

I love that I got to go to monroe and spend some time with my dad. I also gave him his 8 year sobriety chip at AA on Fri. We went fishing. We talked. But we didn't talk about what was bothering me.
I decided to do a one woman show in DEC. I am excited, I am scared, I am nervous, I am confident. My father did not respond in any of those fashions or any fashion as a matter of fact. He just drove when I told him, no response, no nothing. That hurt. He has been my support my hold life, the only one who believed in me for a long time. He came to my swim meets, baseball games, debate tournaments, HUBBUB! performances......
He hasnt seen a show since MacBeth which was 2 and half years ago. He has never seen Avon Lady. And he just drove. And I didn't talk to him about it when I went visit. I'm mad at myself. I feel us drifting apart. And I feel like i can fix that and at the same time I have no energy to want to fix it. I want him to see to how much things have changed.

But with all of that on my mind, What I love most right now, brian called to tell me goodnight.

So goodnight!

Dream

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 15:39:28 GMT

Last night I had a dream, let me see how much I can recall because it is a very telling dream.

I dreamt:
I got a 3 card tarot reading- past, present, future-on a current romantic situation(at least that is what I asked the reading to be on in my dream). But the cards were regular playing cards.
In the past- strong friendship
In the present- chemistry
In the future- great potential, even though there are downfalls
-That's how the lady read it for me. So in my dream I went up to the guy and told him about the reading and let's talk about this weird dance we are going through. And he said " I like you. You like me. But I just want to be friends even though you may be perfect for me and I maybe perfect for you."

I'm dreaming my fears. I'm getting rejected even in my dreams. It's actually kinda funny though. I have to laugh at it because I'm ok with it.

I'm having....

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 04:12:00 GMT

A really bad period.
Insomnia.
No hunger.

I'm very excited about our show this weekend. No Teacher Left Standing. I hope we have a good turn out. Thats all for now. Over and Out!

My Valentine's Day

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:57:40 GMT

My "Valentimes" went like this:

Walked to Depot to get in my morning walk. Ate a cupcake and a brownie.
Walked home.
Got ready for work.
Got my valentine purse from Harmony.
Taught.
"Faculty" Meeting.
Parking Ticket.
Brought the babies their Valentine. Stuff animals. "Puppy. Puppy. My Puppy. My Puppy."
Treated to Sakura by my cosmic family.
Came home.
Talked on the phone to Brian and Aimee.
Went to sleep.

No roses. No boxed candy. No surprises by a significate other. And yet, it was the perfect Valentines.

Better

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:47:03 GMT

I am feeling so much better. This weather is beautiful. I am having a long day but I am loving it. Coming to terms with my feelings, cleaning my room and watching some Jill Scott has changed my mood completely.

I think the other thing too that was making me feel so down and sleepy is I have been messing with my natural sleep rhythm. I am a natural early bird, but my classes dont start until 11ish/noonish. So I would lay around until it was time for me to leave. But today, I woke up at 7 and was out the house by 745. I started feeling sleepy by 130 but I've got my 2nd wind and am ready for the rest of the evening.

I know how much better I would feel if I would wake up early and go for a walk before school. I really know how it feels to feel that good--how accomplished I feel-- and yet I can't get that routine started. It is always so hard for me to get started. I wonder why?

Little Down

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:22:57 GMT

Haven't written in a while. Think I might be depressed. Hard for me to get motivated. Things might be better since I cleaned my room tonight. I don't know if it's this weather or the "on the brink" of illness or my choices I've been making or all of the above that is making me feel funky. I want a lifestyle change-- but I don't have the drive or umph to get started. This is going to be a hard year.

So beautiful!

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 15:13:26 GMT

" I value your friendship"

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 06:03:23 GMT

Fuck that lame ass excuse!!!

I wanna sleep so long that im skinny, and popular and all my problems have fixed themselves... and everyday is a sunday brunch with mimosas and goodness......

Realized

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 04:49:22 GMT

Visiting and helping out a new/old friend made me remember how much I love this song: this CD...

My Dream come true!

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 04:43:57 GMT

I get to be a flower girl on Friday!!!

...on my mind...

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 04:07:32 GMT

In a style like Izzy. L.a.s.a.l.a.----

...an old friend no longer talks to me. somedays thats cool. today it isn't.

...looking up the difference btw parody and satire to see where Avon Lady falls. I don't want to be sued.

...dreamt about another old friend. emailed her today.

...feels like i wasted my christmas break.

...had a dream last night that made me change my feelings/thoughts about someone and it excites/scares me.

...did not make any resolutions. wish I had. Have none to give.

...want to be in love. yuck. I just typed that.

...i thought about making a mimosa before work today at 730 am just to see what it would be like to have a buzz at the depot. didn't follow through.

...walking that fine line of friend and lover territory. At least in my own mind.

...if these two guys would melt into one, I would be one happy lucky girl.

...worked crazy hours today.

...10 pm and should be in bed-- sucked into the internet.

...I don't feel like I tell my friends enough how much I love them. I tell them everyday/everytime we talk.

...I wish things were like they were with some of my friends before life happened.

....sometimes I want to sleep the whole day away.

... I wish my parents were still together so my mom could have medical insurance.

... i didn't even know that was on my mind.

GOD DAMNIT

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 04:21:59 GMT

All i want to do is get self destructive and flirt my panties off!!!

Ritual

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 05:13:44 GMT

My ritual for the past two days has been returning from school... drinking a glass of cheap champagne... putting on music and not the tv... And writing!
It feels good. I feel like I am getting stuff done. i come home and write until I have to leave again. Forget my laundry or my PACE thing I have to put together for the Artwalk in Jan or Christmas shopping.... I've written 4 weeks of lesson plans in 3 hours. I've dramaturged a sketch. I began creating a new character for my far off vision of a one woman show. It is exciting in the wake of insanity. It is energizing for 14+ hour days. It's breathing, it's life, it's relaxing, it's fire, it's new and I love it completely.